Well, a bunch of horrible things happened, and I was dismissed from my program. Pretty sure it was discriminatory. I don't know, but there were a few posts about the fiasco taking up space. I didn't want that to be a prominent feature in my journey (however short it may be), so I've condensed it into one post.
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My teacher has stopped responding. They seem very displeased that I requested to do my ride-along before everything else. I just want to see if I can handle it before re-doing EVERYTHING. The way the school has treated me just hurts. I wish I never mentioned my illness, because then they wouldn't have had a bogus reason for dismissing me.
Right now, I'm signed up to re-take the course. School is starting, and my major is Emergency Management w/emergency services emphasis. I'm terrified, honestly. Even at the height of mental health, my therapist was concerned about the social aspect of the job. Now that I've technically been dismissed for that very reason, I'm discouraged too. I think a lot of returning to mortuary school, but this field is awesome! If I was normal, this would totally be my calling. But I'm just not, and I'm worried to death of wasting more time and money and being disappointed again.
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June 9th:
I'm back in black, baby!
My teacher got back to me and, after many discussions, they're allowing me to complete the course!!! There is much to be done. I need to schedule my own ride-along, complete 100 assessments, do a new skills pass-off sheet, attend 12 hours of remediation, test all national skills, and show that I can work with strangers.
The main reason for the dismissal was my "difficulty working with strangers". BfreakingS! I was very good at hiding my immense discomfort, so they didn't observe that. The two other shenanigan reasons? I didn't attend my ride-along (well, 1: I was dismissed before my ride along took place, 2: I asked if I could still do it, and didn't get a definitive answer on the phone, and NO answer via email, 3: They refused to issue another ride along sheet anyway!!). Also, I failed to attend all the required hours (which is interesting, given that I attended enough remediation hours to make up a missed day and then some)?
I'm grateful for the second chance, of course, just baffled that it was even necessary.
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May 20th:
They won't let me graduate. I decided I would do my best where I could, and caught up on the 20 chapters in time. I also went ahead and took the final. I not only passed, I'm sure my score was near- perfect!
I called, they won't issue another ride-along form. In fact, they are dismissing me for "multiple reasons". I'm interested in what those are, because I'm only aware of not having vitals in and skills passed off - things, it seems, I have some extra time to do.
Still, it's very sad. I liked this stuff. I was doing well. I can see how invaluable it is to the Medicolegal field. And, even if I wasn't exactly outgoing, I was friendly. We'll see what they say. Just seems like they don't want to help me (or don't even believe my bag "story") at this point. As if I wanted to waste $1,000 and lose the best job I'll ever get.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Seventeenth Day
I skipped today. We were scheduled to do a short lecture and then skills for the rest of the day.
I was busy trying to plan my future. Should I try another EMT program? Surgical technology? Mortuary science? ...Massage therapy?
I realized...maybe I can graduate legitimately. We still, FOR THE LOVE, can't find that pink bag, but maybe they'll help me out since it's so lax. Maybe I can buy a new BPcuff and stethoscope. Maybe I can get a whole new skills sheet, vitals/assessments sheet, pass-offs sheet, and ride-along sheet (though they said they DO NOT give out copies of those), and just do everything all over again.
It's a long shot, but worth it.
EDIT:
"Students have 30 days post program to complete all assignments, quizzes and exams and to pass off all skills. There is a $75 fee that must be paid BEFORE a special proctored examination is scheduled -- and a $50 fee to be added to the second recommend letter. Students who do not complete the program and all of its components; attendance, distance education assignments, quizzes, and exams and pass off all skills before the program ends will not be included in the first recommend letter. No exceptions."
So there is hope. Sure, I won't be recommended in the first letter, but I actually have time to pass off my skills. I have some time to redo all 120 of my vitals/assessments and skills signatures. I've been working on my quizzes all day - only 6 more to go! Then the final. And I have to buy a new BPcuff and stethoscope.
I was busy trying to plan my future. Should I try another EMT program? Surgical technology? Mortuary science? ...Massage therapy?
I realized...maybe I can graduate legitimately. We still, FOR THE LOVE, can't find that pink bag, but maybe they'll help me out since it's so lax. Maybe I can buy a new BPcuff and stethoscope. Maybe I can get a whole new skills sheet, vitals/assessments sheet, pass-offs sheet, and ride-along sheet (though they said they DO NOT give out copies of those), and just do everything all over again.
It's a long shot, but worth it.
EDIT:
"Students have 30 days post program to complete all assignments, quizzes and exams and to pass off all skills. There is a $75 fee that must be paid BEFORE a special proctored examination is scheduled -- and a $50 fee to be added to the second recommend letter. Students who do not complete the program and all of its components; attendance, distance education assignments, quizzes, and exams and pass off all skills before the program ends will not be included in the first recommend letter. No exceptions."
So there is hope. Sure, I won't be recommended in the first letter, but I actually have time to pass off my skills. I have some time to redo all 120 of my vitals/assessments and skills signatures. I've been working on my quizzes all day - only 6 more to go! Then the final. And I have to buy a new BPcuff and stethoscope.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Sixteenth Day
The jig is up.
My pink bag (which contained my bp cuff and stethoscope) has vanished, and there is no way in H*LL I can catch up on the 20 chapters I've fallen behind in and memorize all the skills. Also...40 assessments. No way. It's just not possible.
People cheat on the assessments/vitals - they've said so. They must scrimp elsewhere. How can someone do all this work in less than 2 months?! I'm so disappointed I didn't have the foresight to realize a 6 month program shoved into 1/3 the time was a bad idea.
I'm so slow anyway...How could I think this would work?! I'm so mad and disappointed. I was going to have a graduation party on Sunday, but it seems impossible to graduate at this point. My equipment is gone. I don't know what to do.
I quit my job for this.
My pink bag (which contained my bp cuff and stethoscope) has vanished, and there is no way in H*LL I can catch up on the 20 chapters I've fallen behind in and memorize all the skills. Also...40 assessments. No way. It's just not possible.
People cheat on the assessments/vitals - they've said so. They must scrimp elsewhere. How can someone do all this work in less than 2 months?! I'm so disappointed I didn't have the foresight to realize a 6 month program shoved into 1/3 the time was a bad idea.
I'm so slow anyway...How could I think this would work?! I'm so mad and disappointed. I was going to have a graduation party on Sunday, but it seems impossible to graduate at this point. My equipment is gone. I don't know what to do.
I quit my job for this.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Fifteenth Day
How annoyed can one get in the span of two hours?
Freaking. A lot. Turns out.
Maybe I haven't expressed this well, but I feel really unprepared when it comes to this stuff. So much so, going back to mortuary school is looking good again. But maybe it's not me!!
THRICE, my teacher was wrong right after he said I was. Case#1: we looked at a child's ultra-swollen, narrow airway via x-ray. I asked: "would we use oxygen in that case?" He proceeds to look at me like I'm an idiot and replies: "No...we gave that kid epinephrine, albuterol, (something else), and oxygen."
Oh. My. Gosh.
Obviously I'm not stupid enough to think oxygen alone will magically fix a swollen airway, I just wanted to make sure you'd use oxygen as opposed to ventilations (inadequate ventilation because lung issues? IDK). And you do use oxygen!! I wasn't wrong!
Later in the slideshow, he asked the class what the most common airway obstructions in children were. I said "saliva". No incredulity this time, just a quick: "If there was saliva, they'd just swallow it." Sure enough, AT THE TOP of THE NEXT SLIDE: "common obstructions include blood, vomitus, and other secretions."
The third, and most annoying is last. My teacher has the most annoying habit of skipping over abuse. He just says to watch out for it. For what? We never go over the signs! Maybe he's uncomfortable. Maybe he realizes someone has probably been through it. But we knew that when we signed up. Teach us. And then, as if he couldn't sink lower, some middle-aged lady asked how common abuse was in Utah.
First, how the hell would he know? Second, why not Google it and get educated about such an important topic? Third, he said that IT WASN'T THAT COMMON! And proceeded to say that it was more common in poor communities.
NO! NOT TRUE!
Seething, I do a quick Google search for stats as I contemplate saying something. Is it my place? Does anyone actually care? Does a criminal justice and domestic violence background trump his?
Well, I didn't say anything and we got back to the slideshow. Sure enough, within a few slides, it was written that socioeconomic status had no impact on domestic violence rates. And he proceeds to skip right over it. Why not read it? He'd been reading the slides nearly word for word previously. Oh, because it says he's WRONG?!
Gosh, this whole time I thought it was me!!!
Still, maybe because this is such a crappy program, I feel unprepared. Maybe I should go back to mortuary school...
Freaking. A lot. Turns out.
Maybe I haven't expressed this well, but I feel really unprepared when it comes to this stuff. So much so, going back to mortuary school is looking good again. But maybe it's not me!!
THRICE, my teacher was wrong right after he said I was. Case#1: we looked at a child's ultra-swollen, narrow airway via x-ray. I asked: "would we use oxygen in that case?" He proceeds to look at me like I'm an idiot and replies: "No...we gave that kid epinephrine, albuterol, (something else), and oxygen."
 |
| Looked just like this, only child size |
Oh. My. Gosh.
Obviously I'm not stupid enough to think oxygen alone will magically fix a swollen airway, I just wanted to make sure you'd use oxygen as opposed to ventilations (inadequate ventilation because lung issues? IDK). And you do use oxygen!! I wasn't wrong!
Later in the slideshow, he asked the class what the most common airway obstructions in children were. I said "saliva". No incredulity this time, just a quick: "If there was saliva, they'd just swallow it." Sure enough, AT THE TOP of THE NEXT SLIDE: "common obstructions include blood, vomitus, and other secretions."
The third, and most annoying is last. My teacher has the most annoying habit of skipping over abuse. He just says to watch out for it. For what? We never go over the signs! Maybe he's uncomfortable. Maybe he realizes someone has probably been through it. But we knew that when we signed up. Teach us. And then, as if he couldn't sink lower, some middle-aged lady asked how common abuse was in Utah.
First, how the hell would he know? Second, why not Google it and get educated about such an important topic? Third, he said that IT WASN'T THAT COMMON! And proceeded to say that it was more common in poor communities.
NO! NOT TRUE!
Seething, I do a quick Google search for stats as I contemplate saying something. Is it my place? Does anyone actually care? Does a criminal justice and domestic violence background trump his?
Well, I didn't say anything and we got back to the slideshow. Sure enough, within a few slides, it was written that socioeconomic status had no impact on domestic violence rates. And he proceeds to skip right over it. Why not read it? He'd been reading the slides nearly word for word previously. Oh, because it says he's WRONG?!
Gosh, this whole time I thought it was me!!!
Still, maybe because this is such a crappy program, I feel unprepared. Maybe I should go back to mortuary school...
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Cadaver Lab!
They weren't kidding about the bare hands!!!!!
I was the only person who took advantage of that, no surprise. My group (me, the other two kids from class, and a guy from the Salt Lake class) was "baptized by fire". We got to see the nearly-whole body first. He was an old man who had died of colorectal cancer. The instructor let us touch what we wanted and get familiar before we started.
I think I touched his intestine first. Then his lung. It was squishy, and smaller than I thought it'd be. I touched his liver, where the cancer had metastasized. I touched his heart. Then the teacher stepped in and showed us his entire digestive system, his different lung lobes, his carotid artery (and some nerves over there), his prostate, bladder, cricoid process, and then we held his heart. It was cool. It was covered in fat. Then we took off the layers of the skull and various matters, and we TOUCHED THE BRAIN! That was wicked cool! It felt darn near indescribable. Surprisingly firm and squiggly.
Then we went to another table to feel up some hearts. They were all smaller than I'd expected. So small. Mine was especially small. One had a pacemaker in it. Then we got some kidneys! So cute! Again, they seemed very small. One had nephritis.
I probably seemed like a know-it-all the entire time. Nearly every question he asked, I knew. Q: "What's this?" A: "pericardial sack". "How do you breathe?" A: "the diaphragm pulls air into the lungs." Q: "Which side is the left side of the heart?" A: "This one, because it's bigger and rounder." Q: "What's this?" A: "Adrenal glands." Q: "Can anyone tell me what this is?" A: "That's fascia!" I identified a dismembered trachea and a male hip. The trachea was easy, but the hip was a process. It had a gluteus maximums attached, and it was pretty fatty. I first identified a giant, hollow bone as a femur. By then, the illeac crest above itwas obvious. Then I identified it as male because the hip was narrower than a female's would be.
Or...I could've just noted the single teste hanging from it. *slow clap*
Anyway, this stuff came so easily, thank goodness! Not that I was being annoying about it, I always gave others a chance first, but it felt good to actually know stuff for once.
After the break, we got to see skin and it's three layers, a dismembered arm and leg (muscle and tendons look just like uncooked chicken). Femoral artery! That was cool. It's so close to the skin!
They saved it for the end, but they brought out a covered jar in which we eventually saw a 30 year old fetus; aged 6 months. It was SO CUTE! He was absolutely prefect! Little fingers, little feet with little toes...so cute.
The last thing we did was stand in a line and hold a stomach and intestines all unraveled. It would be the class picture, if we could take pictures.
It was such a fun time! Cool experience, for sure.
 |
| YUS!!! |
I was the only person who took advantage of that, no surprise. My group (me, the other two kids from class, and a guy from the Salt Lake class) was "baptized by fire". We got to see the nearly-whole body first. He was an old man who had died of colorectal cancer. The instructor let us touch what we wanted and get familiar before we started.
I think I touched his intestine first. Then his lung. It was squishy, and smaller than I thought it'd be. I touched his liver, where the cancer had metastasized. I touched his heart. Then the teacher stepped in and showed us his entire digestive system, his different lung lobes, his carotid artery (and some nerves over there), his prostate, bladder, cricoid process, and then we held his heart. It was cool. It was covered in fat. Then we took off the layers of the skull and various matters, and we TOUCHED THE BRAIN! That was wicked cool! It felt darn near indescribable. Surprisingly firm and squiggly.
Then we went to another table to feel up some hearts. They were all smaller than I'd expected. So small. Mine was especially small. One had a pacemaker in it. Then we got some kidneys! So cute! Again, they seemed very small. One had nephritis.
I probably seemed like a know-it-all the entire time. Nearly every question he asked, I knew. Q: "What's this?" A: "pericardial sack". "How do you breathe?" A: "the diaphragm pulls air into the lungs." Q: "Which side is the left side of the heart?" A: "This one, because it's bigger and rounder." Q: "What's this?" A: "Adrenal glands." Q: "Can anyone tell me what this is?" A: "That's fascia!" I identified a dismembered trachea and a male hip. The trachea was easy, but the hip was a process. It had a gluteus maximums attached, and it was pretty fatty. I first identified a giant, hollow bone as a femur. By then, the illeac crest above itwas obvious. Then I identified it as male because the hip was narrower than a female's would be.
Or...I could've just noted the single teste hanging from it. *slow clap*
Anyway, this stuff came so easily, thank goodness! Not that I was being annoying about it, I always gave others a chance first, but it felt good to actually know stuff for once.
After the break, we got to see skin and it's three layers, a dismembered arm and leg (muscle and tendons look just like uncooked chicken). Femoral artery! That was cool. It's so close to the skin!
They saved it for the end, but they brought out a covered jar in which we eventually saw a 30 year old fetus; aged 6 months. It was SO CUTE! He was absolutely prefect! Little fingers, little feet with little toes...so cute.
The last thing we did was stand in a line and hold a stomach and intestines all unraveled. It would be the class picture, if we could take pictures.
It was such a fun time! Cool experience, for sure.
Fourteenth Day
Baby deliveries!!
This, I think, has been the best day! I don't know why it's so darn exciting, but delivering babies is awesome. It all seems so intuitive (and deceptively easy).
You can't deliver babies who present a limb first - they need to be surgically removed. Keep babies coming out umbilical-cord-first in the uterus by holding it in place, and stay there until the surgeon says you can let go. Vaginal bleeding is serious. Always make sure to deliver the placenta, or the body will keep sending blood and exsanguinate (they didn't use that word, but that's an opportunity missed!).
There were also a lot of weird new words, speaking of. Primagravida, multigravida, abruptio placentae, etc.
Did you know eggs are fertilized in the fallopian tubes? Then they travel down into the uterus and attach. Knowing this now, I'm surprised there aren't WAY more ectopic pregnancies.
We started out the day practicing some skills - glucometers were out, bandaging, splinting, nasophayngeal airways, backboard, and stretchers. I picked stretcher, since I failed so miserably at it. The pre-med aide asked if anyone had done it before. I replied: "I've done it wrong before." Everyone laughed, the memory of my failed attempt fresh in their minds. He tried his best to help, but my body mechanics are still off. Dang!
I like starting with skills. Tomorrow is the cadaver lab! Pretty stoked! It seems there are four of us going.
 |
| 'Sup? |
This, I think, has been the best day! I don't know why it's so darn exciting, but delivering babies is awesome. It all seems so intuitive (and deceptively easy).
You can't deliver babies who present a limb first - they need to be surgically removed. Keep babies coming out umbilical-cord-first in the uterus by holding it in place, and stay there until the surgeon says you can let go. Vaginal bleeding is serious. Always make sure to deliver the placenta, or the body will keep sending blood and exsanguinate (they didn't use that word, but that's an opportunity missed!).
There were also a lot of weird new words, speaking of. Primagravida, multigravida, abruptio placentae, etc.
Did you know eggs are fertilized in the fallopian tubes? Then they travel down into the uterus and attach. Knowing this now, I'm surprised there aren't WAY more ectopic pregnancies.
We started out the day practicing some skills - glucometers were out, bandaging, splinting, nasophayngeal airways, backboard, and stretchers. I picked stretcher, since I failed so miserably at it. The pre-med aide asked if anyone had done it before. I replied: "I've done it wrong before." Everyone laughed, the memory of my failed attempt fresh in their minds. He tried his best to help, but my body mechanics are still off. Dang!
I like starting with skills. Tomorrow is the cadaver lab! Pretty stoked! It seems there are four of us going.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Thirteenth Day
Maybe 13 is an unlucky number for me too.
Today pretty much sucked. Our regular teacher was passing his paramedic psychomotor exam, so we had a different teacher. The new teacher was great and he has decades of experience, but what he was talking about was pretty boring.
Burns. We covered burns and orthopaedic trauma. Then we actually tried practicing with the stretcher. Good grief. I swear, I can't retain information to save my life.
So I stood there watching a few groups of people do the gourney. I wanted to try. So, the biggest guy in class gets on (great), I take the corner with the all-important red lever, and then...the SMALLEST girl in class came and took the other corner. Freakin great.
So, there are four weak girls trying to lift a hunk of muscle. I pull in the red lever to lift the gourney. I realize I'm lifting with my back. We reach maximum height, and, in a moment of the purest lack of good judgement, I say "we did it, yay!" and throw my hands in the air. In slow motion, the guy stalls and begins to tip over. Because he's strapped in, he can do nothing but what he did - look on in masked terror.
Luckily, the AEMT aide was there, and caught the side. Everyone laughs, and I realize my mistake - I didn't wait for the gourney to lock before letting go. So we locked it, and we brought it back down - again with my back. I'll probably be injured someday.
Then we worked on bandaging for forever, and apparently, there was a NREMT sheet to look at. I did fine despite not having the sheet, until the very end where I failed to verbalize priority transport; a critical fail. So I couldn't pass those off. We had to move on to some straight up midieval contraption (hare traction splint) that you use to straighten broken legs. You seriously crank it, and it pulls your leg straight, until the bone re-sets. As you can imagine, it hurts.
Then I started feeling overwhelmingly depressed. Just suddenly. I started questioning what I was doing, why I was doing it, and if I'd ever amount to anything. I was terrified, and overcome with grief. I would lose it if someone asked to partner with me. My head hurt, and I then realized I'd been grinding my teeth. I loathed myself for "failing" again. I was mad because I was alive. It was weird. I was doing everything I could to avoid a mental breakdown in front of everyone. With only 15 minutes of class left, I bailed and sobbed all the way home. I feel fine now. I don't know what happened.
I just hope I can explain it next time. Though maybe I just shouldn't. And I hope it doesn't happen again.
Today pretty much sucked. Our regular teacher was passing his paramedic psychomotor exam, so we had a different teacher. The new teacher was great and he has decades of experience, but what he was talking about was pretty boring.
Burns. We covered burns and orthopaedic trauma. Then we actually tried practicing with the stretcher. Good grief. I swear, I can't retain information to save my life.
So I stood there watching a few groups of people do the gourney. I wanted to try. So, the biggest guy in class gets on (great), I take the corner with the all-important red lever, and then...the SMALLEST girl in class came and took the other corner. Freakin great.
So, there are four weak girls trying to lift a hunk of muscle. I pull in the red lever to lift the gourney. I realize I'm lifting with my back. We reach maximum height, and, in a moment of the purest lack of good judgement, I say "we did it, yay!" and throw my hands in the air. In slow motion, the guy stalls and begins to tip over. Because he's strapped in, he can do nothing but what he did - look on in masked terror.
Luckily, the AEMT aide was there, and caught the side. Everyone laughs, and I realize my mistake - I didn't wait for the gourney to lock before letting go. So we locked it, and we brought it back down - again with my back. I'll probably be injured someday.
Then we worked on bandaging for forever, and apparently, there was a NREMT sheet to look at. I did fine despite not having the sheet, until the very end where I failed to verbalize priority transport; a critical fail. So I couldn't pass those off. We had to move on to some straight up midieval contraption (hare traction splint) that you use to straighten broken legs. You seriously crank it, and it pulls your leg straight, until the bone re-sets. As you can imagine, it hurts.
Then I started feeling overwhelmingly depressed. Just suddenly. I started questioning what I was doing, why I was doing it, and if I'd ever amount to anything. I was terrified, and overcome with grief. I would lose it if someone asked to partner with me. My head hurt, and I then realized I'd been grinding my teeth. I loathed myself for "failing" again. I was mad because I was alive. It was weird. I was doing everything I could to avoid a mental breakdown in front of everyone. With only 15 minutes of class left, I bailed and sobbed all the way home. I feel fine now. I don't know what happened.
I just hope I can explain it next time. Though maybe I just shouldn't. And I hope it doesn't happen again.
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