Day 2

American Heart Association CPR. Again! You basically watch this hours-long, ultra-boring video and then test on it. I tried taking notes this time, but it messed me way up. Things move too fast for my witto bwain to write notes AND listen at the same time.

Just beat me with it!!! UUUGHHH!

Our teacher is awesome! He's just a genuinely nice, easy-going guy from Idaho. He's been a paramedic/firefighter for decades. He shares stories. He's just a good guy, and seems to be a good teacher as well. 

That annoying know-it-all re-cert firefighter from my last class? He's back, disguised in the body of a different firefighter with a different name. So help me. Everything he says is OBVIOUS and, if he's sure of the answer, will just blurt it out and not give anyone else a chance. He constantly interrupts the teacher MID- SENTENCE to ask questions that will naturally come up in our line of lecture. Just how insecure are these guys? Chill. Most people already respect you. You don't have to do this, you're better than this.

Anyway, a few people dropped. We have 18 students now, and another girl! 4 girls! Yay! I learned (though, in hindsight, it's like DUH!) that CPR doesn't bring a pulse back. It doesn't "save lives", the AED does. When someone is unconscious and has no pulse, they're dead. When you push on their heart to simulate beating (CPR), you just prolong death. You prevent brain damage, but the patient will expire without getting a shock to re-set the heart's electricity. That's why we're important. We have AEDs - "medicine by Edison". But CPR is still very important too. Do it.

Hopefully I can get a shirt soon! They're fun! 

Re- First Day

Oh my gosh, I thought I was 20 minutes late! But it turned out, class was at 6pm, not 5pm. Great start, AND I met the teacher!

Unfortunate.

So, I'm one of three girls in the class. There are three firefighters, and only 22 students. It's great so far! Everything is smoother. The teachers seem very kind, and very student-oriented. We have their cell phone numbers. The room is spacious. It's a night and day difference from my last course. We have to (get to?) wear uniform shirts again, but they're awesome this time!

CPR class is tomorrow. Already!

I'm nervous as Hell still. We had to give our numbers to (and take some from) other classmates. Our "homies". Ugh. I nearly died just doing that! It was gut-wrenching thinking of making new friends. Meeting new people. It's so much work! Meeting people should come naturally, and be mutually desired, right?

Anyway, I'll stop being a snob and try to get rid of this dread. The teacher
 said something that helped: "Even if you don't get licensed, this is a life skill."

We can start there - just here to learn a life skill. We'll see if I can make it a career/stepping stone toward death investigation.

To be Continued?

Well, a bunch of horrible things happened, and I was dismissed from my program. Pretty sure it was discriminatory. I don't know, but there were a few posts about the fiasco taking up space. I didn't want that to be a prominent feature in my journey (however short it may be), so I've condensed it into one post.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

My teacher has stopped responding. They seem very displeased that I requested to do my ride-along before everything else. I just want to see if I can handle it before re-doing EVERYTHING. The way the school has treated me just hurts. I wish I never mentioned my illness, because then they wouldn't have had a bogus reason for dismissing me.

Right now, I'm signed up to re-take the course. School is starting, and my major is Emergency Management w/emergency services emphasis. I'm terrified, honestly. Even at the height of mental health, my therapist was concerned about the social aspect of the job. Now that I've technically been dismissed for that very reason, I'm discouraged too. I think a lot of returning to mortuary school, but this field is awesome! If I was normal, this would totally be my calling. But I'm just not, and I'm worried to death of wasting more time and money and being disappointed again.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
June 9th:

I'm back in black, baby!

My teacher got back to me and, after many discussions, they're allowing me to complete the course!!! There is much to be done. I need to schedule my own ride-along, complete 100 assessments, do a new skills pass-off sheet, attend 12 hours of remediation, test all national skills, and show that I can work with strangers.

The main reason for the dismissal was my "difficulty working with strangers". BfreakingS! I was very good at hiding my immense discomfort, so they didn't observe that. The two other shenanigan reasons? I didn't attend my ride-along (well, 1: I was dismissed before my ride along took place, 2: I asked if I could still do it, and didn't get a definitive answer on the phone, and NO answer via email, 3: They refused to issue another ride along sheet anyway!!). Also, I failed to attend all the required hours (which is interesting, given that I attended enough remediation hours to make up a missed day and then some)?

I'm grateful for the second chance, of course, just baffled that it was even necessary.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

May 20th:

They won't let me graduate. I decided I would do my best where I could, and caught up on the 20 chapters in time. I also went ahead and took the final. I not only passed, I'm sure my score was near- perfect!

I called, they won't issue another ride-along form. In fact, they are dismissing me for "multiple reasons". I'm interested in what those are, because I'm only aware of not having vitals in and skills passed off - things, it seems, I have some extra time to do.

Still, it's very sad. I liked this stuff. I was doing well. I can see how invaluable it is to the Medicolegal field. And, even if I wasn't exactly outgoing, I was friendly. We'll see what they say. Just seems like they don't want to help me (or don't even believe my bag "story") at this point. As if I wanted to waste $1,000 and lose the best job I'll ever get.

Seventeenth Day

I skipped today. We were scheduled to do a short lecture and then skills for the rest of the day.

I was busy trying to plan my future. Should I try another EMT program? Surgical technology? Mortuary science? ...Massage therapy?

I realized...maybe I can graduate legitimately. We still, FOR THE LOVE, can't find that pink bag, but maybe they'll help me out since it's so lax. Maybe I can buy a new BPcuff and stethoscope. Maybe I can get a whole new skills sheet, vitals/assessments sheet, pass-offs sheet, and ride-along sheet (though they said they DO NOT give out copies of those), and just do everything all over again.

It's a long shot, but worth it.

EDIT:

"Students have 30 days post program to complete all assignments, quizzes and exams and to pass off all skills. There is a $75 fee that must be paid BEFORE a special proctored examination is scheduled -- and a $50 fee to be added to the second recommend letter. Students who do not complete the program and all of its components; attendance, distance education assignments, quizzes, and exams and pass off all skills before the program ends will not be included in the first recommend letter. No exceptions."

So there is hope. Sure, I won't be recommended in the first letter, but I actually have time to pass off my skills. I have some time to redo all 120 of my vitals/assessments and skills signatures. I've been working on my quizzes all day - only 6 more to go! Then the final. And I have to buy a new BPcuff and stethoscope.

Sixteenth Day

The jig is up.

My pink bag (which contained my bp cuff and stethoscope) has vanished, and there is no way in H*LL I can catch up on the 20 chapters I've fallen behind in and memorize all the skills. Also...40 assessments. No way. It's just not possible.

People cheat on the assessments/vitals - they've said so. They must scrimp elsewhere. How can someone do all this work in less than 2 months?! I'm so disappointed I didn't have the foresight to realize a 6 month program shoved into 1/3 the time was a bad idea.

I'm so slow anyway...How could I think this would work?! I'm so mad and disappointed. I was going to have a graduation party on Sunday, but it seems impossible to graduate at this point. My equipment is gone. I don't know what to do.

I quit my job for this.

Fifteenth Day

How annoyed can one get in the span of two hours?

Freaking. A lot. Turns out.

Maybe I haven't expressed this well, but I feel really unprepared when it comes to this stuff. So much so, going back to mortuary school is looking good again. But maybe it's not me!!

THRICE, my teacher was wrong right after he said I was. Case#1: we looked at a child's ultra-swollen, narrow airway via x-ray. I asked: "would we use oxygen in that case?" He proceeds to look at me like I'm an idiot and replies: "No...we gave that kid epinephrine, albuterol, (something else), and oxygen."

Looked just like this, only child size

Oh. My. Gosh.

Obviously I'm not stupid enough to think oxygen alone will magically fix a swollen airway, I just wanted to make sure you'd use oxygen as opposed to ventilations (inadequate ventilation because lung issues? IDK). And you do use oxygen!! I wasn't wrong!

Later in the slideshow, he asked the class what the most common airway obstructions in children were. I said "saliva". No incredulity this time, just a quick: "If there was saliva, they'd just swallow it." Sure enough, AT THE TOP of THE NEXT SLIDE: "common obstructions include blood, vomitus, and other secretions."

The third, and most annoying is last. My teacher has the most annoying habit of skipping over abuse. He just says to watch out for it. For what? We never go over the signs! Maybe he's uncomfortable. Maybe he realizes someone has probably been through it. But we knew that when we signed up. Teach us. And then, as if he couldn't sink lower, some middle-aged lady asked how common abuse was in Utah.

First, how the hell would he know? Second, why not Google it and get educated about such an important topic? Third, he said that IT WASN'T THAT COMMON! And proceeded to say that it was more common in poor communities.

NO! NOT TRUE!

Seething, I do a quick Google search for stats as I contemplate saying something. Is it my place? Does anyone actually care? Does a criminal justice and domestic violence background trump his?

Well, I didn't say anything and we got back to the slideshow. Sure enough, within a few slides, it was written that socioeconomic status had no impact on domestic violence rates. And he proceeds to skip right over it. Why not read it? He'd been reading the slides nearly word for word previously. Oh, because it says he's WRONG?!

Gosh, this whole time I thought it was me!!!

Still, maybe because this is such a crappy program, I feel unprepared. Maybe I should go back to mortuary school...

Cadaver Lab!

They weren't kidding about the bare hands!!!!!

YUS!!!

I was the only person who took advantage of that, no surprise. My group (me, the other two kids from class, and a guy from the Salt Lake class) was "baptized by fire". We got to see the nearly-whole body first. He was an old man who had died of colorectal cancer. The instructor let us touch what we wanted and get familiar before we started.

I think I touched his intestine first. Then his lung. It was squishy, and smaller than I thought it'd be. I touched his liver, where the cancer had metastasized. I touched his heart. Then the teacher stepped in and showed us his entire digestive system, his different lung lobes, his carotid artery (and some nerves over there), his prostate, bladder, cricoid process, and then we held his heart. It was cool. It was covered in fat. Then we took off the layers of the skull and various matters, and we TOUCHED THE BRAIN! That was wicked cool! It felt darn near indescribable. Surprisingly firm and squiggly.

Then we went to another table to feel up some hearts. They were all smaller than I'd expected. So small. Mine was especially small. One had a pacemaker in it. Then we got some kidneys! So cute! Again, they seemed very small. One had nephritis.

I probably seemed like a know-it-all the entire time. Nearly every question he asked, I knew. Q: "What's this?" A: "pericardial sack". "How do you breathe?" A: "the diaphragm pulls air into the lungs." Q: "Which side is the left side of the heart?" A: "This one, because it's bigger and rounder." Q: "What's this?" A: "Adrenal glands." Q: "Can anyone tell me what this is?" A: "That's fascia!" I identified a dismembered trachea and a male hip. The trachea was easy, but the hip was a process. It had a gluteus maximums attached, and it was pretty fatty. I first identified a giant, hollow bone as a femur. By then, the illeac crest above itwas obvious. Then I identified it as male because the hip was narrower than a female's would be.

Or...I could've just noted the single teste hanging from it. *slow clap*

Anyway, this stuff came so easily, thank goodness! Not that I was being annoying about it, I always gave others a chance first, but it felt good to actually know stuff for once.

After the break, we got to see skin and it's three layers, a dismembered arm and leg (muscle and tendons look just like uncooked chicken). Femoral artery! That was cool. It's so close to the skin!

They saved it for the end, but they brought out a covered jar in which we eventually saw a 30 year old fetus; aged 6 months. It was SO CUTE! He was absolutely prefect! Little fingers, little feet with little toes...so cute.

The last thing we did was stand in a line and hold a stomach and intestines all unraveled. It would be the class picture, if we could take pictures.

It was such a fun time! Cool experience, for sure.